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”On a scale of ‘Strongly Disagree’ to ‘Strongly Agree’, do you often think you’re a failure?” 

Strongly agree.

 

It has only been about one and a half weeks since we’ve sworn in as councillors, but the 12th Meridian council has been elected since about the beginning of April. And it has been about 3 weeks since I’ve been elected as Phobos’s House Captain. And just yesterday was when we bade our final farewell to our J2 council seniors.

And quite frankly, throughout the entire duration, I was scared. So scared. And I still am.

For my entire life, I have been a 2IC. When I was still in Cub Scouts back in RVPS, I was the assistant Sixer for my Six. In NCC, I was the 2IC for the Part ‘B’. I have pretty much never spearheaded a movement before. Ever. And now, I’ve been thrust into a leadership position that I don’t even believe I can manage properly. In fact, when posed with the question of what position I wanted to run for in exco, the first thing that came to mind was ‘Vice-Captain’. 

People seem to believe in me. People tell me ‘Don’t stress yourself out. The things will come naturally with experience.’ But the thing is, I’m supposed to have that experience. I have been in a UG for more years than the fingers on my hands. I had an actual leadership position (sorta kinda, not the top brass of course) And yet there are other captains, other vice-captains, who are doing such a better job than me and it really just makes me question if I have made the right choice to run for exco in the first place. What do I even possess in me that I can offer to Phobos? To MJC? 

Ultimately, it boils down to one thing

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And this goes beyond even council matters. Even in my studies, I find difficulty grasping the answering techniques and concepts, despite going through the exact same tutorials and lectures my classmates are. And don’t even get me started on the utter disappointment that was the taekwondo competition. In the end, I’m just failing. 

If anything, it’s the one thing I can ace. What an irony.

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