Friends and classmates

So today after school, I didn’t want to go home so early, so I stayed in school and went to the canteen to scout for familiar faces I could possibly spend some time with. I noticed 3 of my friends, all not my classmates. One of them, however, was my classmate from 2 years ago, and a good friend.

The other 2 left. My ex- classmate, let’s call him Ping Pong, wanted to study after school, and since I had to study too, we figured we could just do it together. We went to the concourse, found an empty table and plonked our asses on it and started revision.

We had a good time, Pong and I. We studied, of course, but we also talked. Kinda brings me back to 2 years ago. Ahh.

Anyway, lets rewind two years back. I had an extreme lack of friends outside my class. Only my CCA mates and a bloke named after a type of airplane. And I kinda went with it, I mean, why do I need any more friends?

Well, I was lucky I “streamed” into a class with a whole bunch of NCC dudes. Made friends much quicker than I usually would. I also made friends with other people from other classes thanks to my reinforced friendships with my NCC friends.

Now, most of my classmates hate me now. D:. At first, I was quite depressed and honestly, I figured that since that happened, I might as well pon(skip) school everyday and just mug(study) for ‘O’s at home. After a while, I realized, hey, they actually aren’t my only friends. I had my classmates from 2 years ago to fall back on.

And now back to the story of today afternoon. We studied. We talked too, shared jokes, exchanged viewpoints. A real re-bonding session, if I do say so myself.

I guess I realize now that my friends aren’t only the ones in my class currently. They extend to my CCA mates, that guy who was named after a airplane, and my ex-classmates, not to forget my angelic twin and her close friend.

“Drink with me, to days gone by, to the life that used to be. At the shrine of friendship, never say die, let the wine of friendship never run dry. Here’s to you…

And here’s to me…”

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Steering into the skid.

So this morning, something rather weird happened. :\

Anyway, it was during a Social Studies (SS) lesson. Now our SS teacher, who shall remain anonymously known as Mrs Bong, was an extremely guailan person. (Guai lan; Short form: gl; Colloquial term for: N: someone who likes to tease others. V: The act of teasing others. A: An act being teasing in nature). Recently, there was a Post-budget minister dialogue session with, well, ministers. I didn’t attend. 

Ok, enough background info with that. So what happened is Mrs Bong was discussing the dialogue session when she noticed me talking to my friends about it. So, out of habit, she gl-ed me, saying, “Ah, Hoi Ching, I should have sent you for the dialogue session (or at least something to that effect, lol).” Almost instantly, I shot back a gl reply,”Har, later I accidentally steal the minister girlfriend how?” The reaction among my classmates was instantaneous. 

Now in order to understand why that was so, you need a wee bit more background info. (God, the stuff I’m sharing on the interwebz these days.) So recently, one of my friends and his girlfriend broke up. Now he wasn’t my only friend in that relationship. When their relationship was still ongoing, he shared stuff about their relationship to me, and she shared stuff too. After listening to both of their stands and viewpoints, I knew that there could possibly be no future. Being the complacent arrogant dumbass I was and probably still am, I decided to advise him to break up. Of course it wasn’t well received. When they finally did break up, however, he learned that all the while I actually had a crush on the girl. (Did I mention that?) So obviously he thinks I intentionally imparted my oh-so-wise advice, so I could snatch her for myself. 

Anyway, after that huge chunk of text, I think you can pretty much infer from this point. Everybody accuses me of, in fact, stealing his girlfriend. My classmates included. Naturally they would guailan me for it because, that’s simply what they do. When It first started, I hated it. And it’s not like I couldn’t take a little teasing. If the teasing is based on truth, like how I accidentally pressed the emergency button on an MRT (That’s a good one, gotta blog about it sometime), I’m fine with it. I’ll probably joke along. But if the teasing is based on untrue things, I get upset. That is just how I roll(that makes me sound cool. Though I’m lame, evident from these comments in the parentheses). 

Now, after some time being teased for “stealing someone’s girlfriend”, I started to gl back, actually. Almost instinctively, I would make a reply that seemed to be reinforcing the statement. Which is extraordinary. I only do that when it’s true. This morning, however, it probably reached its highest, and I gl-ed in front of the entire class. No biggie.

Yes biggie. There are only two possibilities which come to mind, and that is A) My mind is adapting, like all living things, to this kind of gl and can now find no problem with gl-ing back, and B) My mind is saying “F*** this shit!”, and is simply steering into the skid. 

You can probably infer from the title that I firmly believe it’s the latter. Which I do. Yay. But it may be a stupid thing to do. Many people just tell me to ignore them and their teasing. Many. And I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to take their advice. Is my mind hardwired this way? Is ignoring someone that hard for me? Is making unnecessary sarcastic/teasing comments, ironically, necessary for me? I’ve had my fair share of teasing. It is all I have known, honestly. Pressing the button, being a foreigner from Hong Kong, injuring my hand and going for phase 4, my poor pronunciation of Mandarin, etc. My friends have no hesitation in poking fun at me for all those things. I tried to ignore those things in the past, yet I always failed. Am I going to fail this time? Oh wait, I already did. Meh. I guess I’m just gonna have to start to learn to ignore people then. 

Shouldn’t be that hard when most are ignoring me. 

When I listened to his troubles and his pains, his feelings and his thoughts, I listened to them not as someone trying to steal a girlfriend. I listened as a genuine bro who was trying to help his bro out. When he told me those things, I knew that in order for those problems to be solved between the two of them, she had to know as well. So I told her about the things. I do the same when she rants to me and I hint him. It was wrong for me to meddle in their affairs, but I was trying to be a good friend by helping their relationship out. I definitely failed on that front. Even when I told him to break up, I did so only because I knew she was going to, and soon. I only wanted to pull away from the cliff before she pushed him down.

That very Monday he confronted me, I apologised. I was wrong all along. The thing is I just simple didn’t know what to do. I consulted you, he who knew a thousand things in relationships. You told me to simply wait until he’s moved on to a more calm state. You told me that’s what I should do. I trusted your judgment. Then, you went back on your judgment, and told him everything. You did a good thing by telling him, but the thing is, you said yourself that it was better to tell him when he’s feeling better, which, again, by your judgment, will be a month later. You have a sense of righteousness. I can see why you told him. But can’t you see where I’m coming from? I trusted you with information that I knew could possibly end my friendship with him. I trusted you for advice. I trusted your judgment. You weren’t wrong for telling him. You were wrong for going back on what you said before, and telling him a a mere week later. I know, that as someone in the wrong I don’t really have the right to say this, but this is really what I think. 

If you misunderstood me before, I’m sorry. But, please understand me now. 

 

Angry

I’m naturally an angry person. It’s just how I am. But as of late, I’ve been feeling more anger than I may have ever known. (In every paragraph, the pronoun used is the object of that paragraph, and no one else)

I’m angry at the girl I once liked. She was one of my best friends, and after nearly two years of friendship, she didn’t have any feelings for me, even as a friend. She might as well have said “You’re dead to me.”, because honestly, that’s how i feel about her now.

I’m angry at the friend I had since sec 1. I knew him as a very trustworthy friend, and he was. When I was confused about my feelings, I consulted him. He had just went through a breakup, and he knows perfectly what another friend, one of the objects of my feelings, was going through. He advised me to tell the said friend my feelings, but not until maybe a month later, when he has regained emotional stability and was feeling better. I took his advice. Not even a week after he imparted his advice, he told the said friend. I knew he had a sense of righteousness, but come on. He could have at least asked me first. Bah.

I’m angry at the said friend. We had been brothers in arms for 3+ years, and close personal friends. When he was told of those things, he didn’t care what I had to say. He just mindlessly hated my guts immediately, without even giving me a chance to explain my stand and why I harboured those feelings, and why I did the things I did. That isn’t what brothers do. Dear asshole(refer to previous blogpost of the same name) and I managed to patch things up just by sitting down in a civilized manner and talking about it. Albeit figuratively, you get the point. I’m not saying what I did was right. But I did those things only with his intentions in mind. He didn’t appreciate it, but at least he could recognize it. But does he really? I fear not. And I remember him saying that he doesn’t care, and he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. Yet he can (pardon my language) bitch about it to other people, including the friend mentioned in the above paragraph. I’m really at a loss for actions here.

I’m angry at other friends in the same social circle. For quite similar reasons, really. They don’t listen to my explanation, they immediately condemn me because of my actions. They tease and mock me about it as if both the friend mentioned in the paragraph above and I were non-existent. It was apparent that the friend mentioned in the paragraph above was unhappy about it, and I wasn’t exactly happy either. But they didn’t care.

I’m angry at the student in-charge and teacher in-charge for my CCA. When I was forced to step down from my post prematurely, I told them I would to it, but on one condition, and that is that the friend mentioned in the fourth paragraph will be promoted in my place. When the student in-charge talked to his peers for discussion, every one of the peers told him to promote the friend mentioned in the fourth paragraph. Every one. What did the student in-charge do? He didn’t, obviously. He promised “special mention”, though. In the end, the friend mentioned in the fourth paragraph wasn’t given anything. And while all this was going on, the teacher in-charge just stood by like he just didn’t care. Maybe because he simply doesn’t.

I honestly don’t handle anger well. I just tend to get rough, I guess. That doesn’t help when I play soccer, so, to whoever may be reading this, if I had offended you one way or another through my actions on the court, I genuinely apologise for that. It was extremely naive of me to do so. Sorry.