Why can’t you understand?

When I kept all those things from you, I had only one intention in mind, and that was to prevent you from getting hurt. I knew you’d react like this. 

Why can’t you understand that everything I did, I did for the both of you? I never planned to use the information you gave me for my own selfish reasons. And I never will. When I told you those things, I had your interests in mind. I wanted to pull you away before you got pushed off the cliff. 

I want to explain these things to you, I want to resolve all this. But if you aren’t willing to, at least for now, then I’ll wait. It’s the best I can do for now.



Part D Bros’ Outing!


Yesterday, a group of NCC dudes came together and went to Pulau Ubin. (Refer to picture.)

We went there to, obviously, cycle! It was a last minute thing, and despite that, most of us were able to make it. I shall not name names, but one particular freestyle OIC woke up 2 hours late. We had already went to Chek Jawa and went onto the mangrove boardwalk and the view tower. Image

(View tower ^^)

For some reason, my bike had this weird problem. The chain kept coming out when I change gear. Then I had to rely on the twins to help me get the chain back on. After a while we got fed up with it and went back to the auntie running the rental shop and asked her for a replacement. As if by magic, the bicycle suddenly worked like a charm. We figured it was fine, and we left. After a while… the chain came off again. Auntie magical hand sia, she change gear no problem, I change gear got problem. 

Again, I shall not name names, but a particular Part A 2ic is a miraculously good cyclist. Cycle halfway clap clap clap. I saw him and I wanted to do that too. I let go of the handle, then I fell. Boom. Damn. Then he cycle past, clapping at my fall. LOL. After I got back up, after a while I tried again, and this time, it worked! Clap for me please. 

After that we went to the mountain bike park. On the way, there were many uphill slopes. I cycled up all of them. But I forgot to change gears, which meant I pretty much threw my leg muscles out of the window doing so. We got to the mountain bike park, we stopped for a short rest, then decided it was not worth the risk. We were about to go, when one of us realized that a particular Part C 2ic was just sitting on his bike, not responding to our calls. He was looking at his feet. We all thought he was sleeping sia. Turns out he was looking at a butterfly on one of his foot. Anyway, because we went uphill a lot… Weeee! Downhill! 

We also cycled to the NPCC campsite up North. There were a lot of downhill slopes going there, and coming back was tough indeed. Along the way, we met someone familiar from our school! A particular Royal Ranger… 

After cycling, we went to a little shop and had some coconuts. The aforementioned part C 2ic was a hipster and bought coke. Anyway, while we were there, we impromptu-ly decided to go watch a movie, the Ghost Child movie. But we went with Warm Bodies. 

At the movie counter, we had to show all 8 of our Student Passes in order to qualify for the Student ticket price. One of us was drawing money, so we had to wait for a long time. When we finally shown all of our cards, we paid, but we didn’t get our tickets. We asked everyone to check, see if they took by mistake, and the person at the counter kept saying “Give already give already.” I leaned in and peered over the counter. Guess what I saw? Our freaking tickets, that’s what. We pressed :C on the feedback machine and proceeded into the theater. 


The movie was surprisingly nice. The plot was a bit confusing at first, but it proved to be a nice romantic comedy, of sorts. One of my favorite scenes was when R and Julie were in an abandoned house. They were in the bedroom, he on the floor, she on the bed. 

Julie: “My clothes are soaking. I’m taking them off to dry them off.”

R: (thought) “Holy shit.”

Julie: *Takes off sweater, shirt, pants*

R: (thought) “Holy. Shit.”

Another one of my favorite scenes was when R got left at the abandoned house, shortly after the previous scene. 

R (to zombie friend) : “She left… “

Zombie friend, M: *puts hand on R’s shoulder* “Bitches, Man.” 

Another one is when R and Julie were approaching M.

Julie: Are you guys with me?

Horde of zombies: *Grunts* “asdfjkl”

M: *raises hand* “They say ‘FUCK YEAH'”

Yet another one is when the zombies team up with the humans and put an end to the bonies, with R narrating in the background. The unity was heartfelt. 

After-movie thoughts: R stands for Riady. 


Pretty much the whole day wrapped up. T’was a good day. 


I haven’t been living up to expectations as of late. Expectations from my peers. Expectations from my seniors. Expectations from my teachers. Expectations from my parents. Expectations from myself. 

But I’m working towards them. Rome wasn’t built in a day. I’ll try my best. 


These couple months has been hectic, and I foresee them being even more hectic after a while. What I thought were constants in my life are actually variables. I’ve talked to people I’ve never talked to before. I’ve told people things I’ve never told anyone before.  My status as a ‘friend’ has changed in many people, for the worse, and for the better. My relationships with some of my closer friends have changed beyond my imagination. So many things were taken from me. So many things I had to adapt to.

Is it all my fault? I’m more than certain that I have many shortcomings. I’m immature. I’m rash. I’m insensitive. I’m impulsive. I’m violent. I’m inappropriate. I want to change for the better. I want to be a better friend. I want to be a better confidant. I want to be a better classmate. I want to be a better man. I want to be a better human. 

This is the turning point of my teenage years. I know. But I can’t possibly push myself to good without help. I’ll need my friends. 

Unfortunately, at this point in time, I wonder which of my friends are actually willing to help me.


My friends all call you backstabber. Betrayer. I respect you enough to not join them. But I don’t respect you enough to ask them to stop. 

You humiliate me, poke fun at me, and even straight-out imply that I’m not even in NCC anymore. 

But the thing that really gets me is that you don’t even think you did anything wrong. You think that you are right and everybody else is wrong. I always knew you were an asshole. But this is just too much.

And to think you’re a staff sergeant. A believer in religion. An actual human being. Tsk.

I know I’m immature and impulsive sometimes too, but frankly, you’ve stooped too low this time.